Monday, September 23, 2013

Here is my social question

Here is my social question:
Posted to LinkedIn September 2013

I'm recently single and back in the dating scene (my ex went vegan while we were dating). Using dating sites, I've been getting matched with some that are not respectful of the lifestyle. I've also gotten e-mails from what seem to be very nice men. Lots in common, but they either like to fish and/or hunt. I don't usually respond, but I figured let me ask the question here. Am I being less tolerant? Or, am I staying true to my core values?

(This question actually had 57 comments made in the discussion over the course of 6 days... I was really surprised, since I posted the same question on Twitter and had one person answer the question.)

Here are some of the responses from LinkedIn:

Anna M.
"Am I being less tolerant?" --> Yes.

"Or, am I staying true to my core values?" --> Absolutely, and there's nothing wrong with that.

You're talking about an intimate relationship, not shopping in a store or taking a plane ride. You have every right to be more discriminating.

Personally, I find individuals who hunt / fishes and their brethren dog / cock fighting / bear baiting as mentally weak, so I also would not get intimately involved with someone with that "hobby." I'm pretty sure my closest, platonic friends don't even have that hobby.

It probably goes without saying that one should expect for the dating scene to be slower or take longer to meet a compatible someone. However, unless you enjoy wasting your time (and money) on someone whose mere hobby is in direct conflict with one of your core values, being more discriminatory will easily weed out the ones you don't want anyway.

Good luck!

My Response:
I find it difficult on SO many levels. From the animal rights, to the environmental impacts, the health impacts, world hunger and GMO and lack of regulations. For all of these reasons, I wake up every morning to work for a brighter future. Thank you both for your responses, for friends yes, I'm fine with choices people make. They will have to listen to my comments and findings, but it's still their choice. For dating, and something more long term, I just can't see myself being able to compromise my ethics....
Delete 6 days ago

Judy L.
I thought it wouldn't bother me to have a carnivore roommate - as it was just a living relationship ... but you'd be surprised how seeing the thawing chicken, the body parts wrapped in the fridge, the smell of the food cooking - it was nagging and it would bring me down.
Like (1) Reply privately Flag as inappropriate 6 days ago Alyssa P. likes this


Vasu M.
I've been vegetarian since 1982. Where are all the vegetarian women?

In the late '80s, San Diego Animal Advocates (a chapter of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, before they dissolved the chapter system for legal purposes) had a booth at Koby's Swap Meet (a kind of flea market). We had volunteers staffing a booth, selling t-shirts, buttons, and bumper stickers with pro-animal and pro-environmental messages or logos. We had petitions to sign and graphic photos of animals being experimented upon, etc.

Kids would come by, and ask smart-alec questions, like, "Are the donations *really* going to the animals?" or make references to the Smiths' album Meat Is Murder.

If there were any couples passing by, it was always the women, moved by the sight of animal cruelty, who would respond, and come over to sign petitions, purchase animal paraphernalia, etc., while the men tried to act tough, as if they weren't affected by the graphic photos.

In the late '80s, Vegetarian Times reported that women are five times as likely than men to go vegetarian.

I'm surprised you're asking, "Would a vegan date a hunter or a fisherman?"

Where are all the vegetarian women? They all seem to have meat-eating husbands or boyfriends!

David A A.
same situation here - and no I would not
Like (1) Reply privately Flag as inappropriate 6 days ago Judy L. likes this

My Response:
I guess that''s why I'm asking this question. I want to date and be in a relationship with a vegan. My ex-boyfriend went vegan, saying that I "forced" him into it. I cook vegan, he ate my vegan food. I watch documentaries about vegan, environment, health, animals. He watched all of these things with me. He found that his health improved, but my "extreme" lifestyle was what he needed to protect his children from. My life revolves around a vegan lifestyle and plant based vegan diet, from education to culinary skills. And your statement is right-There are more vegetarian and vegan women.

Gerwyn M.
A vegan woman dating a hunter? Barmy. I suggest that they were not vegans but hypochondriacs.

My Response:
I really would prefer to date a vegan. The thought of kissing someone who just got through eating the flesh of animals freaks me out.
I went out on a date with a vegetarian, had great conversation, but there wasn't a spark. He hasn't called me. I can't make someone like me. You either do or don't.
Trying to be opened minded, went on a date with a nice guy. He doesn't hunt or fish, but dear lord, he eats and talks about meat all the time. Talked about eating veal, and I screamed on the inside. He calls and texts me all the time. I have to tell him that I can't get past this, even when he's finding a place that has a vegan option on the menu.
In Colorado, my friends are vegan, my co-workers some vegetarian and flex between the occasional animal flesh. It wasn't in my face like it is in Texas.
So here it is, that I go out and try the dating scene out. And, have stories to share with my friends (helping them appreciate their husbands and boyfriends)....
Delete 1 day ago Gerwyn M. likes this

From Twitter:

Mel: I think you will find love in unexpected places. Probably best not to put too many restrictions on yourself.
Retweeted by compassionate vegan

Atkins Diet vs. Vegetarian Lifestyle

Atkins Diet vs. Vegetarian Lifestyle
Sometime in 2003; Vegan Level Negative 2 (Lame!)

Here’s a blast from the past that unfortunately works incredibly well in the context of this blog: During Sometime in my 20s, one of my friends that I went to high school with set me up with a guy. For the sake of the blog (and I honestly don't remember his name), I'll call him Atkins. (For those of you who don’t recall immediately, Atkins was the name of a man who invented a diet that was based on the idea of super low carbs and ridiculously high protein intake. As it goes with most of these diets, the protein was animal based. Needless to say, this is not someone with whom I or any of my veg friends would get along with very well. This goes to show exactly how well this friend DID NOT know me.

Atkins calls me, letting me know that our mutual friend thought we would hit it off. We start chatting and in this conversation, he asks me out. Thinking we had some things in common I say "Yes, I'd like to.” Atkins suggests that we go to dinner and a movie (knowing what I know now, not the best first date idea). We continue to chat and I continue to flirt. Somewhere in the conversation I mention where I work and he mentions things that are important to him. (I really wish I could give more details, he really didn't give off a lot of sparks.) We set the date and end the call. I call our friend, and say he's charming, and seems nice. (Well that doesn't always mean anything.)

Atkins calls me at work and says, “I have a better idea for a date, my brother got tickets to the monster truck show. Cool, right?" (As you will get to know, I'm not really a monster truck show girl. In fact, I'm not really into the whole Honey BooBoo lifestyle.) To which my response was "You said dinner and a movie. I'm pretty sure we won't be able to hear each other in conversation at a monster truck show." (Not like one can really talk in a movie theater.) I tell my co-workers about the "date change suggestion" and they laugh. Trying to picture this one is REALLY funny: I wear heels ALL of the time (to this day) and always have my hair done, primped and prissy to all get out!!!

Here it comes to the date. I suggest a Chinese food restaurant that I used to eat at a lot so I know my usual and he orders a beef dish. We continue to chat and he's losing his charm quickly. (do you remember any examples? Maybe specifically anti-veg stuff?) Atkins complains about the food (anything beef is foreign to me), then he mentions "I should have taken you to Las Palapas. They have better food." (Let me explain: you go to Las Palapas when you've been drinking for 5 hours and want greasy tacos. They cook their beans with bacon fat, thus rendering a perfectly good veg meal useless to me.)

I stop flirting. Here is that final moment when I KNEW this wasn’t going to work:
Movie: Cheaper by the Dozen (Hilary Duff) or Gothika (Halle Berry and Penélope Cruz). Which one does Atkins go for? Well, I had to sit through Cheaper by the Dozen. Yes, he chose teen over adult. I was done and after the movie I used the excuse "it's getting late and I have an early meeting in the morning." He dropped me off at home (no goodnight kiss, no way!) and after he left, I went to meet my friends out for drinks!

Introduction...

Hi!

My name is Jackie, and thank you for checking out my Level 5 Vegan Looking for Love Blog. Here’s the scoop: I recently found myself living back in my old home town and back on the dating scene. Like any modern gal, I turn to the Internet to help me weed out the weirdos and to help match me up with men who share my interests. According to Chemistry I am naturally easy to get along with, engaging, insightful, and caring, with deep and meaningful conversations. On Match.com, I’m looking for someone to laugh with, someone who is trusting and trustworthy, as well as being someone who will fight for me but who will also tell me when I am being irrational :)

Here’s the catch: I’ve been vegetarian for 20 years and vegan for four, so this is a huge part of my life and lifestyle. My friends that love me and know me say kindly that I’m a Level 5 Vegan (borrowed from The Simpsons - “won’t eat anything that casts a shadow.”) While I’m not necessarily looking for only a vegan to get serious with (and I know there are dating sites for just that - but I’ve noted that the men on there seem to have “alternative” ideas about monogamy and nudity…!) it’s obviously not going to work out with someone who is an avid hunter or fisherman. As I’m sure you are all familiar with, there are always a couple of dealbreakers in a relationship, and there are always a few “I am not budging on my stance” topics. Veganism, and all that goes with it (the consciousness of health and environment for example) is mine.

But when life attempts to fix me up with a lemon, I hop on the computer and write an amusing entry for your enjoyment and my therapy. If you can’t laugh about it, we’re all doomed, am I right?