Monday, September 23, 2013

Here is my social question

Here is my social question:
Posted to LinkedIn September 2013

I'm recently single and back in the dating scene (my ex went vegan while we were dating). Using dating sites, I've been getting matched with some that are not respectful of the lifestyle. I've also gotten e-mails from what seem to be very nice men. Lots in common, but they either like to fish and/or hunt. I don't usually respond, but I figured let me ask the question here. Am I being less tolerant? Or, am I staying true to my core values?

(This question actually had 57 comments made in the discussion over the course of 6 days... I was really surprised, since I posted the same question on Twitter and had one person answer the question.)

Here are some of the responses from LinkedIn:

Anna M.
"Am I being less tolerant?" --> Yes.

"Or, am I staying true to my core values?" --> Absolutely, and there's nothing wrong with that.

You're talking about an intimate relationship, not shopping in a store or taking a plane ride. You have every right to be more discriminating.

Personally, I find individuals who hunt / fishes and their brethren dog / cock fighting / bear baiting as mentally weak, so I also would not get intimately involved with someone with that "hobby." I'm pretty sure my closest, platonic friends don't even have that hobby.

It probably goes without saying that one should expect for the dating scene to be slower or take longer to meet a compatible someone. However, unless you enjoy wasting your time (and money) on someone whose mere hobby is in direct conflict with one of your core values, being more discriminatory will easily weed out the ones you don't want anyway.

Good luck!

My Response:
I find it difficult on SO many levels. From the animal rights, to the environmental impacts, the health impacts, world hunger and GMO and lack of regulations. For all of these reasons, I wake up every morning to work for a brighter future. Thank you both for your responses, for friends yes, I'm fine with choices people make. They will have to listen to my comments and findings, but it's still their choice. For dating, and something more long term, I just can't see myself being able to compromise my ethics....
Delete 6 days ago

Judy L.
I thought it wouldn't bother me to have a carnivore roommate - as it was just a living relationship ... but you'd be surprised how seeing the thawing chicken, the body parts wrapped in the fridge, the smell of the food cooking - it was nagging and it would bring me down.
Like (1) Reply privately Flag as inappropriate 6 days ago Alyssa P. likes this

Vasu M.
I've been vegetarian since 1982. Where are all the vegetarian women?

In the late '80s, San Diego Animal Advocates (a chapter of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, before they dissolved the chapter system for legal purposes) had a booth at Koby's Swap Meet (a kind of flea market). We had volunteers staffing a booth, selling t-shirts, buttons, and bumper stickers with pro-animal and pro-environmental messages or logos. We had petitions to sign and graphic photos of animals being experimented upon, etc.

Kids would come by, and ask smart-alec questions, like, "Are the donations *really* going to the animals?" or make references to the Smiths' album Meat Is Murder.

If there were any couples passing by, it was always the women, moved by the sight of animal cruelty, who would respond, and come over to sign petitions, purchase animal paraphernalia, etc., while the men tried to act tough, as if they weren't affected by the graphic photos.

In the late '80s, Vegetarian Times reported that women are five times as likely than men to go vegetarian.

I'm surprised you're asking, "Would a vegan date a hunter or a fisherman?"

Where are all the vegetarian women? They all seem to have meat-eating husbands or boyfriends!

David A A.
same situation here - and no I would not
Like (1) Reply privately Flag as inappropriate 6 days ago Judy L. likes this

My Response:
I guess that''s why I'm asking this question. I want to date and be in a relationship with a vegan. My ex-boyfriend went vegan, saying that I "forced" him into it. I cook vegan, he ate my vegan food. I watch documentaries about vegan, environment, health, animals. He watched all of these things with me. He found that his health improved, but my "extreme" lifestyle was what he needed to protect his children from. My life revolves around a vegan lifestyle and plant based vegan diet, from education to culinary skills. And your statement is right-There are more vegetarian and vegan women.

Gerwyn M.
A vegan woman dating a hunter? Barmy. I suggest that they were not vegans but hypochondriacs.

My Response:
I really would prefer to date a vegan. The thought of kissing someone who just got through eating the flesh of animals freaks me out.
I went out on a date with a vegetarian, had great conversation, but there wasn't a spark. He hasn't called me. I can't make someone like me. You either do or don't.
Trying to be opened minded, went on a date with a nice guy. He doesn't hunt or fish, but dear lord, he eats and talks about meat all the time. Talked about eating veal, and I screamed on the inside. He calls and texts me all the time. I have to tell him that I can't get past this, even when he's finding a place that has a vegan option on the menu.
In Colorado, my friends are vegan, my co-workers some vegetarian and flex between the occasional animal flesh. It wasn't in my face like it is in Texas.
So here it is, that I go out and try the dating scene out. And, have stories to share with my friends (helping them appreciate their husbands and boyfriends)....
Delete 1 day ago Gerwyn M. likes this

From Twitter:

Mel: I think you will find love in unexpected places. Probably best not to put too many restrictions on yourself.
Retweeted by compassionate vegan

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